All That I Can Say....  

Posted by Cyndi Lou in , , ,

I am empty. I am tired. I am discouraged, and I am weary. Those are the facts. That is the reality I am dealing with over the course of the past few weeks. I am not here today to encourage, or discourage, just to be real. I am also not here to gain encouragement from you. Again, I am just trying to be real. I really enjoy this blogging- connecting with friends and family this way. I enjoy writing. I enjoy pictures. I thrive on encouraging others. God created that in me, as part of my nature. But, I have no encouraging words to share or any neat stories to tell you today. I am just sharing that I am weary, tired from walking this walk.

Lately, at every turn, this world seems to be getting darker and more dismal, and I truly wonder what 1 person can do to make a difference. What can 1 mom, 1 wife, 1 daughter, 1 friend, 1 employee do to really and truly make a difference? I am still praying about that and pondering that, in my weary state. I need to be refreshed and rejuvenated. That is hard to do when you are running on empty. I have discovered a new song, as of late, and I think, NO, I know that God placed it in my path at just the right moment, at just the right time. Over the past 3 weeks, I play this song almost daily, many times more than once a day. I sing along with it, crying out to God. I cry to it. I meditate to it. I talk to my God to it. Sometimes, I am quiet and simply listen to it. The song should be playing now, as you read this post. Well, it USED to be playing. I changed the play list to play more upbeat songs. The words are below.....

All That I Can Say
By The David Crowder Band

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in

Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
That's my everything.

Oh, didn't You see me cryin'?
Oh, and did You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down.

And this is all, this is all that I can say right now
I know it's not much
But, this is all that I can give
And that's my everything

This is all that I can say right now, right now
I know it's not much,
This is all that I can give
Yeah, That's my everything.

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cryin' too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

So, here I am saying all I can say is that my Jesus, my Savior, my God is standing right here beside me. He is holding me and He is crying with me.

He is standing beside me, as I try to make a difference in this big, huge, world that seems so lost and off track.

He is holding me as I try to get up each day and face a new day by His grace and with His strength.

He is crying with me when my tears fall and my heart breaks for...

The loss I see around me in precious families that didn't deserve to lose precious babies, precious children.
The dear friends I see waiting to get their babies, whether by nature, or by adoption. They are simply waiting and it is agonizing.
Dear friends I see struggling with life changing decisions and making moves, out of comfort zones, that are very difficult to make.
A world that I see moving further and further away from the One True God.

I spoke to a very dear friend of mine, Shana, today who encouraged me very much with her words. It was over the phone and via email, but those methods work just as well some days. She said to me, 'Faith can change your circumstances, no matter how dark everything around you seems.' She also shared 1 John 5:4-5 with me. It reads:

'For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world- our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?'

So, though what my eyes see around me tells me differently, amidst a world that seems to grow darker each day, my Faith tells me that God has overcome and the victory is His, no matter how many battles it looks like we have lost.

And, in the end, this is all that I can say....

This entry was posted on June 9, 2008 at Monday, June 09, 2008 and is filed under , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


Very well said, Cyndi.

We all have moments of discouragement where we feel like we are so minute, so small, so nothing compared to our surroundings and what we're up against.

But, keep believing, press on for the victory. It is ours. And, when you need a break, take one with your Saviour who has all the strength you could ever possibly need.

Mon Jun 09, 04:00:00 PM 2008

Even though you aren't explicitly encouraging this second, you in a sense are encouraging others with your transparency. That's a very new way for God to use your desire to encourage--through a real moment of "yuck". Even though you aren't here to gain encouragement, I pray that you feel renewed, invigorated and refreshed--may I not encourage you, but may He and the fact of all who stand in the gap for you in your times of despair. You make a difference. You definitely shine lots of light into my life---even if only through a blog comment, possibly just on someone else's blog. One person, sometimes you being that one person, has made a difference. Now, here's my advice, stop listening to that song. It makes me a little blah, too. ;) Just kidding. Love ya, though. You can listen to it if you want, but I kinda think it could be making you sadder than you deserve to be. :)

Mon Jun 09, 04:59:00 PM 2008


I am so sorry that you are so down and discouraged today. It seems like you have been in winter for a long time.

I often wonder why things happen too. What is the purpose of it all? Why all the pain and hurt in this world? I find the more I think about it....the worse that I feel. Which is exactly what the devil wants.

There are so many things in this world that we will never ever understand. I know often times Gods uses the things that we or others suffer through....to bring someone else to him. Often times we truly are a living sacrifice for our God. But he gave his only Son for us so I try to be a willing sacrifice even when it's hard.

Cyndi, you make a difference every single day. You bless your husband and your children and your friends and our church. I see Jesus in you more than I could ever tell you. Continue to be transparent. Your don't have to put on a face for our Jesus or for us. We all get down and tired and weary sometimes....like that song says...he is always right there. Sometimes we just don't see him for looking at the things that are going on in the world. When you are down...do not continue to dwell on the things of the world...look up and tell God what is on your heart at that very moment...he can lift your heart and your spirit. Winter doesn't last forever Precious friend. The Son does shine and he already has the victory planned for you.

Here is one of my favorite songs for those times when I'm down.

Through the Fire..by Randy Travis.

So many times I’ve questioned certain circumstances
Or things I could not understand
Many times in trials, weakness blurs my vision
And my frustrations get so out of hand
It’s then I am reminded I’ve never been forsaken
I’ve never had to stand the test alone
As I look at all the victories, the Spirit rises up in me
It’s through the fire my weakness is made strong

And He never promised the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered victory without fighting but He said help would always come in time
Just remember when you’re standing in the valley of decision and the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again

I know within myself that I would surely perish
But if I trust the hand of God, He’ll shield the flames again

And He never promised the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb
Just hold on, our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again
Just hold on, our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again

[ Through The Fire Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

I love you. I'm here anytime you need me.


Mon Jun 09, 06:30:00 PM 2008

Cyndi, you are a very sweet, girl with a very encouraging spirit. I think Meleia's right-even when you think you're discouraging-you're not. You are encouraging! God has gifted you in that area. It comes very naturally for you.

We all go through really blah, yucky stuff. I think some more than others...doesn't seem fair, does it? But, what do we deserve...nothing. That's why He paid it all for us. Dewey said this Sunday. It was a quote from somebody else that I can't remember their name. There is nothing you can do to make God love you any less AND (here's the good part) there's nothing you can do to make Him love you any more. His love is perfect and He knows what you need to make it tomorrow, the next day, or the next day. Today's trial may be what strengthens you for tomorrow's tragedy. Ken and I have been through some yucky stuff...we have no doubt that the really, really awful stuff is what prepared us for where we are right NOW. I'm also positive that more yucky stuff is to come - to get me ready for the next phase in my life. God is an "on time" God and He will do whatever it takes to get your attention exactly when He needs it.

Know that you are loved and you have many prayers going up with your name attached today.
love you,

Mon Jun 09, 08:11:00 PM 2008

When you feel like you just can't hang on anymore, it is ok. You don't have to. He has you in His hands and He WILL NOT let you go. Sometimes it is harder to just let go. You don't have to change the world. God's got that covered. Just let Him seep through through the many cracks in your pot. He put them there for a reason. You are loved, by me and by many!!!

Tue Jun 10, 09:53:00 AM 2008

I was vacumming and God reminded me of a song. :) It meant a lot to me in a troubled time. I listened to it over and over again. It reminded me to praise Him even when times are hard. I would cry and sing this song for many days, but I would praise Him through the tears. I truly believe that God delivered me from my depression because I chose to praise Him. So, find this song and download it and sing His praise!!

How Can I Keep From Singing
by Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

Tue Jun 10, 12:56:00 PM 2008

I love you. More importantly, God loves you...and so does your hubby and precious children. You are a great wife and mom and Satan is trying to bring you down with all that's been going on lately. He's trying to turn your concern and heart for others against you. In the name of Jesus Christ, rebuke those lies. God uses you in so many more ways than you know. You are loved by many and are a wonderful woman. Even on days you feel like you can't hold yourself up, He's holding you up. I'll be praying for you!

Tue Jun 10, 09:20:00 PM 2008

Just remember that you are not truly alone! You have a most awesome family and your church family.
Remember God loves us so much even though it is difficult to see it in times of winter!
We are all here for you and praying for refreshment for your soul and spirit!
Love ya!!!

Wed Jun 11, 10:28:00 AM 2008

Praying for you!!!

Thu Jun 12, 04:02:00 PM 2008

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